"Escape From Havelock Ave" by Becky Heaton
Volume 1 - The Beginning
When play
begins:
say
"[italic type][line break][line break]You wake. The sun is streaming
through the open window. You sit up and it hits your face. You rub your eyes.
It's still early. [line break][line break]Very slowly, she returns to you.
Jane, always Jane. Jane all the time. You feel sick. You get out of bed. [line
break][line break][roman type]".
The player
is a woman called Becky. The player is in the Bedroom. The description of Becky
is "If you looked in a mirror you would see someone who is trying her
best, most of the time." The player carries pen. The description of the
pen is "What can I say, it writes well."
Volume 2 - Set up
Book 1 -
Actions
Writing
is an action applying to one visible thing.
Check
writing:
unless
the noun is the letter
begin;
say
"[The noun] is fit for that. Try writing the letter.";
end
if.
[The
scorepause is in the Living Room. It is a container. It is scenery. It is
closed and openable.]
Rested
is a thing. It has a number called worth. The worth of rested is usually 0.
Understand
the command "escape" as something new.
Understand
the command "leave" as something new.
Understand
the command "sleep" as something new.
Escaping is an action applying to nothing.
Check escaping:
if score is
0:
say
"The letter Becky, you have to finish the letter.[line break]";
if score is
1:
say
"You wish. Go back inside. Finish the letter.[line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
2:
say
"[if worth of rested is 0]Seriously, you're exhausted. Go to bed.[end
if][if worth of rested is 1]You've got something to do. Go do it.[end
if]";
stop
the action;
if score is
3:
say
"You can't leave without finishing the letter. [line break]Don't you
understand that by now?[line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
4:
say
"Oh you think you've finished? Come on. Go back inside.[line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
5:
say
"[if worth of rested is 1]You manage to take a few steps towards the door
before nausea overcomes you.[end if][if worth of rested is 2]Close, but no
cigar. Go back inside.[end if]";
stop
the action;
if the
score is 6:
say
"Maybe [italic type]never[roman type] is a little harsh. I think that
letter is almost done, don't you?";
stop
the action;
if the
score is 7:
say
"[line break][italic type]Abruptly, you stand up. When you get to the door
the keys are already in your hand and it’s open and your leaving, tearing down
three flights of stairs and emerging onto the street like newborn.[line
break][line break]The day is bright and dewy. You can feel everything. You
could cry you are so happy.[roman type][line break][line break]It didn't happen
like that. Winning was never an option. This isn't that type of game. Go back
inside.[line break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line
break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line
break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line
break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line
break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line break][line
break]";
now
the score is 0;
now
the worth of rested is 0;
now
the description of the letter is "All you've written so far is [italic
type][line break][line break]Jane,[roman type]";
now
the player is in the bedroom;
say
"[italic type]You wake. The sun is streaming through the open window. You
sit up and it hits your face. You rub your eyes. It's still early. [line
break][line break]Very slowly, she returns to you. Jane, always Jane. Jane all
the time. You feel sick. You get out of bed. [line break][roman type]".
Instead of entering the bed:
if score is
2:
say
"You've been having nightmares.[italic type][line break][line break]You're
driving a car across a bridge that is splitting down the middle. You get out
and start falling. When you hit the water you realise that you are dreaming.
[line break][line break]You wake up in your parents living room. It is the
middle of the night. Your mum is away. She's night kayaking. You walk into the
backyard for some fresh air. You are standing there in the dirt, in the dark,
when a man jumps over the fence like he is a rabbit. He moves around you in the
dirt. A grey smudge, moving around you. You're terrified. You can only see his
teeth. You need to wake up but you can't. It doesn't matter that you know
you're dreaming. You are standing there and it is real.[line break][line
break][roman type]You wake.[italic type] The sun is streaming through the open
window. You sit up and it hits your face. You rub your eyes. It's still early.
[line break][line break]Very slowly, she returns to you. Jane, always Jane.
Jane all the time. You feel sick. You get out of bed.[roman type][line
break]";
now
worth of rested is 1;
stop
the action;
if score is
5:
say
"Your head is swimming. You close your eyes.[line break][line break][italic
type]Someone is sitting on the foot of your bed. It’s dark but you can feel a
weight on the end of the mattress. And you can see her. You have never been so
scared and you never will be again. When you wake you are overcome by the
impression that her hair is in your bed. That she has pulled out her hair and
hidden it in your bed.[line break][line break][roman type]You wake.[italic
type] The sun is streaming through the open window. You sit up and it hits your
face. You rub your eyes. It's still early. You get out of bed.[roman type][line
break]";
now
worth of rested is 2;
stop
the action;
otherwise:
now
player is in the bed.
Check writing:
if score is
0:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m
sorry this is only coming now. I’ve wanted to write you for a few days. A
letter, like the one you sent me. But I didn’t have any paper, so today I
bought some. And now I’m writing you a letter.[roman type][line break]";
now
score is 1;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m sorry this is only coming now. I’ve
wanted to write you for a few days. A letter, like the one you sent me. But I
didn’t have any paper, so today I bought some. And now I’m writing you a
letter.[roman type][line break]";
[now
scorepause is open;]
stop
the action;
if score is
1:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line
break]I’m sorry this is only coming now. I’ve wanted to write you for a few
days. I thought it should be a letter, like the one you wrote me (I don’t know
about you, but I like things that I can hold). But I didn’t have any paper so
yesterday I bought some. And now I’m writing you a letter.[line break][line
break]There’s a part of me that just wants to yell how fucking sorry I am that
this has happened and that it should never have happened and that it’s horrific
and unfair.[line break][line break]But there’s another part of me that thinks saying
all that is redundant and what I should really be telling you is that people
are right when they say that grief never goes away, not really. But what they
won’t tell you is that it’s much more complicated than that, and that eleven years on I wouldn’t let it go, even if I
was able. I want to tell you to hold onto it, as long as it doesn’t paralyse
you. If you can carry it with you, then maybe you’ll find in time, like I did,
that the experience of it is further from anguish and much closer to something
like love.[roman type][line break]";
now
score is 2;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m sorry this is only coming now. I’ve
wanted to write you for a few days. I thought it should be a letter, like the
one you wrote me (I don’t know about you, but I like things that I can hold).
But I didn’t have any paper so yesterday I bought some. And now I’m writing you
a letter.[line break][line break]There’s a part of me that just wants to yell
how fucking sorry I am that this has happened and that it should never have
happened and that it’s horrific and unfair.[line break][line break]But there’s
another part of me that thinks saying all that is redundant and what I should really
be telling you is that people are right when they say that griefnever goes
away, not really. But what they won’t tell you is that it’s much more
complicated then that, and that eleven years on I wouldn’t let it go, even if I
was able. I want to tell you to hold onto it, as long as it doesn’t paralyse
you. If you can carry it with you, then maybe you’ll find in time, like I did,
that the experience of it is further from anguish and much closer to something
like love.[roman type][line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
2:
if
worth of rested is 0:
say
"You can barely string a single thought together you're so tired.";
stop
the action;
if
worth of rested is 1:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line
break]It’s hard for me to not make this about myself. I have a bizarre desire
to tell you about him.[line break][line break]That’s what I felt in other
people when he died. That they wanted a piece of me. Like they were drawn to
the depth of my feeling and felt entitled to some of it. I felt, even then,
that the grief was some precious stone. I guarded it so closely. To give it
away would have just felt like another loss. I told no one how I felt.[line
break][line break]Nora said you wanted books and I realised that I already had
one. The title’s a little on the nose but it’s really good. A collection of
letters, all better than this one. Thank god.[line break][line break]Can I make
one suggestion? Keep some of his clothes, t-shirts and stuff. My biggest regret
is that I didn’t ask for that. All I have is a black jumper from Kathmandu. It
has a red lining and I wear it all the time. You’ve probably seen me in
it.[roman type][line break]";
now
score is 3;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]It’s hard for me to not make this about
myself. I have a bizarre desire to tell you about him.[line break][line
break]That’s what I felt in other people when he died. That they wanted a piece
of me. Like they were drawn to the depth of my feeling and felt entitled to
some of it. I felt, even then, that the grief was some precious stone. I
guarded it so closely. To give it away would have just felt like another loss.
I told no one how I felt.[line break][line break]Nora said you wanted books and
I realised that I already had one. The title’s a little on the nose but it’s
really good. A collection of letters, all better than this one. Thank god.[line
break][line break]Can I make one suggestion? Keep some of his clothes, t-shirts
and stuff. My biggest regret is that I didn’t ask for that. All I have is a
black jumper from Kathmandu. It has a red lining and I wear it all the time.
You’ve probably seen me in it.[roman type][line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
3:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line
break]I’m sorry this is coming so late. It’s taken longer than I expected. I
must have written this letter ten times by now. But I’ll finish it this
time.[line break][line break]There’s a part of me that just wants to tell you
how fucking sorry I am that this has happened and that it should never have
happened and that it’s unfair and horrific.[line break][line break]But there’s
another part of me that thinks that saying all that is redundant and what I
should really tell you is that people are right when they say that grief never
goes away, not really. What they won’t tell you is how much more complicated it
is than that, and that eleven years on, I wouldn’t let it go even if I was
able. I want to tell you to hold onto it, as long as it doesn’t paralyse you.
If you can carry it with you, then maybe you’ll find in time, like I did, that
the experience of it is further from anguish and much closer to something like love.[line
break][line break]When I think of my dad now, I imagine standing in front of
him. I imagine everything going quiet, like the air has been sucked out of the
room. And we’re standing there, the only two people in the world. And I feel
him right in front of me, like he’s really there. And I hope desperately for it
to be real, but settle for the fact that I remember him, and knew him, and he
knew me.[line break][line break]Nora said you wanted books and I realised that
I already had one. The title is a little on the nose, but it’s really good.
It’s a collection of letters. They weren’t written to be published, which I
think is what makes them so touching. Plus, it has the added bonus of taking
the pressure of this letter. Which is good, because I’m beginning to think it’s
a load of shit.[line break][line break]Nora also said you like practical
advice. I’m sure you already have, but keep some of his clothes, shirts and
stuff. My biggest regret is not asking for that. All I have is a black
Kathmandu jumper. It has a red lining and I wear it all the time. You’ve
probably seen me in it.[roman type][line break]";
now
score is 4;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m sorry this is coming so late. It’s taken
longer than I expected. I must have written this letter ten times by now. But
I’ll finish it this time.[line break][line break]There’s a part of me that just
wants to tell you how fucking sorry I am that this has happened and that it
should never have happened and that it’s unfair and horrific.[line break]But
there’s another part of me that thinks that saying all that is redundant and
what I should really tell you is that people are right when they say that grief
never goes away, not really. But what they won’t tell you is how it’s much more
complicated then that, and that eleven years on, I wouldn’t let it go even if I
was able. I want to tell you to hold onto it, as long as it doesn’t paralyse
you. If you can carry it with you, then maybe you’ll find in time, like I did,
that the experience of it is further from anguish and much closer to something
like love.[line break][line break]When I think of my dad now, I imagine
standing in front of him. I imagine everything going quiet, like the air has
been sucked out of the room. And we’re standing there, the only two people in
the world. And I feel him right in front of me, like he’s really there. And I
hope desperately for it to be real, but settle for the fact that I remember
him, and knew him, and he knew me.[line break][line break]Nora said you wanted
books and I realised that I already had one. The title is a little on the nose,
but it’s really good. It’s a collection of letters. They weren’t written to be
published, which I think is what makes them so touching. Plus, it has the added
bonus of taking the pressure of this letter. Which is good, because I’m
beginning to think it’s a load of shit.[line break][line break]Nora also said
you like practical advice. I’m sure you already have, but keep some of his
clothes, shirts and stuff. My biggest regret is not asking for that. All I have
is a black Kathmandu jumper. It has a red lining and I wear it all the time.
You’ve probably seen me in it.[roman type][line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
4:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line
break]I’m sorry this is coming so late, it was more difficult than I expected –
I must have written this letter 10 times already. But I’ll finish this
one.[line break][line break]I’m writing you a letter because you wrote me one.
You couldn’t have known, but at that moment I really needed something like
that. A few things had happened one after the other, and I felt like I was
getting snowed under. And then you said ‘Sometimes bad things happen to good
people’. It’s such a simple idea, but I needed to hear it. It isn’t always
enough, but I hold onto it anyway.[roman type][line break]";
now
score is 5;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m sorry this is coming so late, it was more
difficult than I expected – I must have written this letter 10 times already.
But I’ll finish this one.[line break][line break]I’m writing you a letter because
you wrote me one. You couldn’t have known, but at that moment I really needed
something like that. A few things had happened one after the other, and I felt
like I was getting snowed under. And then you said ‘Sometimes bad things happen
to good people’. It’s such a simple idea, but I needed to hear it. It isn’t
always enough, but I hold onto it anyway.[roman type][line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
5:
if
worth of rested is 1:
say
"You can barely string a single thought together you're so tired.";
stop
the action;
if
worth of rested is 2:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line
break]I’m so sorry this is coming so late. I got it into my head that I was
going to write you a letter. It’s hard. I must have written this 20 times by
now. But I’ll finish it this time.[line break][line break]I’m writing you a
letter because you wrote me one. You couldn’t have known it, but at that moment
I really needed something like that. A few things had happened, one after the
other and I was exhausted and confused and fumbling for an explanation that I
knew I wasn’t going to find but wanting it anyway until you said ‘Sometimes bad
things happen to good people’. Which is so simple, but I needed to hear
it.[line break][line break]There’s a part of me that just wants to tell you how
fucking sorry I am that this has happened and that it should never have
happened and that it’s unfair and terrible.[line break][line break]But then I
think,[roman type][line break]";
now
score is 6;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m so sorry this is coming so late. I got it
into my head that I was going to write you a letter. It’s hard. I must have
written this 20 times by now. But I’ll finish it this time.[line break][line
break]I’m writing you a letter because you wrote me one. You couldn’t have
known it, but at that moment I really needed something like that. A few things
had happened, one after the other and I was exhausted and confused and fumbling
for an explanation that I knew I wasn’t going to find but wanting it anyway
until you said ‘Sometimes bad things happen to good people’. Which is so
simple, but I needed to hear it.[line break][line break]There’s a part of me
that just wants to tell you how fucking sorry I am that this has happened and
that it should never have happened and that it’s unfair and terrible.[line
break][line break]But then I think,[roman type][line break]";
stop
the action;
if score is
6:
say
"You write.[line break][line break][italic type]Jane,[line break][line
break]I’m so sorry this is coming so late. I got it into my head that I was
going to write you a letter, began writing, and then re-writing and starting
again and then going back. It was much harder than I expected. I would begin
writing to you, and finish writing to my dad. Every time. When of course this
isn’t about him, and it’s damned selfish of me to make it so.[line break][line
break]I’m writing you a letter because you wrote me one. You couldn’t have
known it, but at that moment I really needed something like that. A few things
had happened one after the other and I was exhausted but still fumbling for an
explanation. And then you said, 'sometimes bad things happen to good people'.
Which is so simple, but I needed to hear it.[line break][line break]There’s a
part of me that just wants to tell you how fucking sorry I am that this has
happened and that it should never have happened and that it’s unfair and
unfathomable.[line break][line break]But I’m sure that you’ve heard that
before. I certainly did. Enough times that it stopped meaning anything at all.
What no one was able to tell me is how complicated grief is. How it changes
over time but remains with you. How, 11 years on, I wouldn’t let go of it, even
if I was able.[line break][line break]My relationship with my dad has a
beginning and an end. That’s what grief is to me. To have known someone. To be
able to hold your entire relationship in your own two hands. For it to become,
even as you rail against it, this mystical thing that you can keep in your
pocket and carry around with you. I think that’s why I don’t often talk about
him. What I remember of him feels so finite and precious, and I don’t want to
share it with anyone. What happened to my dad is plainly awful. No silver
linings. But then the initial trauma wore off. And now I have this exquisite
thing, and maybe you’ll find that you have it too. Or maybe not. We’re
different people. I just wanted you to know, from someone in the future, that
these things isn’t so simple, and that’s ok.[line break][line break][line
break]Nora said that you wanted books and I realised that I already had one.
The title is a little on the nose, but it’s really good. A collection of
letters about grief, all better than this one thank god.[line break][line
break]Anyway, I think you’re wonderful, and if you ever want to rant or
whatever, give me a call.[line break][line break]Love, Becky[roman type][line
break][line break]";
now
score is 7;
now
the description of the letter is "It reads:[line break][line break][italic
type]Jane,[line break][line break]I’m so sorry this is coming so late. I got it
into my head that I was going to write you a letter, began writing, and then
re-writing and starting again and then going back. It was much harder than I
expected. I would begin writing to you, and finish writing to my dad. Every
time. When of course this isn’t about him, and it’s damned selfish of me to
make it so.[line break][line break]I’m writing you a letter because you wrote
me one. You couldn’t have known it, but at that moment I really needed
something like that. A few things had happened one after the other and I was
exhausted but still fumbling for an explanation. And then you said, 'sometimes bad
things happen to good people'. Which is so simple, but I needed to hear
it.[line break][line break]There’s a part of me that just wants to tell you how
fucking sorry I am that this has happened and that it should never have
happened and that it’s unfair and unfathomable.[line break][line break]But I’m
sure that you’ve heard that before. I certainly did. Enough times that it
stopped meaning anything at all. What no one was able to tell me is how
complicated grief is. How it changes over time but remains with you. How, 11
years on, I wouldn’t let go of it, even if I was able.[line break][line
break]My relationship with my dad has a beginning and an end. That’s what grief
is to me. To have known someone. To be able to hold your entire relationship in
your own two hands. For it to become, even as you rail against it, this
mystical thing that you can keep in your pocket and carry around with you. I
think that’s why I don’t often talk about him. What I remember of him feels so
finite and precious, and I don’t want to share it with anyone. What happened to
my dad is plainly awful. No silver linings. But then the initial trauma wore
off. And now I have this exquisite thing, and maybe you’ll find that you have
it too. Or maybe not. We’re different people. I just wanted you to know, from
someone in the future, that these things isn’t so simple, and that’s ok.[line
break][line break]Nora said that you wanted books and I realised that I already
had one. The title is a little on the nose, but it’s really good. A collection
of letters about grief, all better than this one thank god.[line break][line
break]Anyway, I think you’re wonderful, and if you ever want to rant or
whatever, give me a call.[line break][line break]Love, Becky[roman type][line
break][line break]";
stop
the action.
Every turn:
if score is
0:
say
"You really should finish that letter. It's on the desk in the living
room.";
if score is
1:
say
"You really think you're finished? Come on, write it again.";
if score is
2:
say
"[if worth of rested is 0 and player is not in the bed]Your eyelids grow
heavy. God you're tired.[end if]";
if score is
3:
say
"You'd really like to go outside and be done with this. Come on, let's
just go. Just grab your keys and go. Go. Please.[line break]";
if score is
4:
say
"That's four drafts. Well done. Do you feel better? Did you really think
that writing all this would bring you some kind of relief? Don't you get it?
What has been done cannot be undone.";
if score is
5:
say
"[if worth of rested is not 2 and player is not in the bed]Something is
not right. You’re having trouble standing up. Better go to bed.[end if]";
stop
the action;
if score is
6:
say
"You didn't even finish that last draft. Just trailed off. [line
break][line break]We're never getting out of here.";
stop
the action;
if score is
7:
say
"Get out of here. You're done. Get out, escape. Quick, before I change my
mind.".
[now
scorepause is closed.]
Book 3 -
Understand
Understand
"read" as examining.
Understand
"I/me" as Becky.
Understand
"who am [something]" or "who is [something]" as examining.
Understand
"write in [something]" as a mistake ("Try 'write
letter'.").
Understand
"write [something]" or
"finish [something]" as writing.
Understand
"get out of bed" or "leave bed" or "get up" or
"leave the bed" as exiting.
Understand
the command "sleeping" as something new.
Understand
"go to sleep" or "sleep"
or "get into bed" or "go to bed" as entering.
Understand
"living room" as west.
Understand
"bedroom" as east.
Understand
"leave" or "escape" or "go outside" or "get
out" or "go" as escaping.
Understand
"get out" as a mistake ("Do you mean leave?").
Understand
"write" as a mistake ("Write what?").
Understand
"look out the [something]" or "look out [something]" as
examining.
Volume 3 - Rooms
Book 1 -
Bedroom
The
Bedroom is a room. The Bedroom is east of the Living Room. The description is
"[if score is 0]Light pours through the open windows.[end if][unless score
is 0]It has begun to rain, softly.[end if] You'd really like to leave the
apartment.[line break][line break]Your bed sits against the wall."
The
bed is in the bedroom. It is a container. It is scenery. It is transparent and
enterable. The description of the bed is "The bed is unmade. [if score is
2]It beckons to you.[end if]"
The
window is a backdrop which is everywhere. The description is "From the
window you see a woman crossing the street. She is carrying a bundle of clothes
(fresh from the laundromat), which, in a few minutes, will threaten to blow
away in the wind. She will hug that bundle to her chest and you, still
watching, will be reminded inexplicably of your mother.[line break][line
break][italic type]She is massaging your scalp whilst you sit between her legs
on the floor. She cups her hand on your forehead and asks you to give her all
your weight. When you turn around to see her, she holds your face in her hands
and runs her thumbs along your cheekbones. You close your eyes. [roman
type]"
Book 2 -
Living Room
The
Living Room is a room. The description is "The living room is warm, but
you'd prefer to be outside."
The
desk is in the living room. The description of the desk is "The desk is
nothing special. You bought if from Ikea six years ago[if the letter is on the
desk]. A letter sits on the desk[end if]."
Jane
is a backdrop which is everywhere. The description is "Jane is a close
friend."
The
letter is on the desk. The description of the letter is "All you've
written so far is [italic type][line break][line break]Jane,[roman type]"
The
keys are on the desk.
